#Two | Let's be HONEST, I've tried everything...

I've tried...

...Diets

...Not eating

...Exercising

...Whatever someone said I should try

...I even contemplated throwing up after meals like I saw skinny people or models doing on T.V.

THANK GOD, I NEVER DID THAT. The list runs on and on like Erykah Badu sang in the 90's. My relationship with food was so unhealthy, I felt helpless. I created an equation that said, I love myself + I can't help myself = I have to just live with myself.

Yet, the one thing I didn't try – no one except for the Holy Spirit told me to do this – was my number two step on my road to weight loss. I RESEARCHED! Now that I've explained to you my past relationship with food #One | FOOD!!!!!! (Sigh), let me explain to you how things started to change.

God totally busted my, "I'll just love myself and live with myself the way am equation". That's probably because it didn't add up. We all make stuff up to make us happy, be honest! Love and acceptance do work together, but not when it's untrue. Because I didn't have the strength and courage to change me, God stepped in and made “changing me” what I thought about day and night until I finally gave in.

• Everyday I would ask myself questions I didn't know about food and exercise.
• Then, I would look it up on the Internet. I looked up how many calories are in a pound; how should a beginner approach the gym; what healthy foods make you feel full and give you energy and why?
• Next, I would look on social media and YouTube to see what other people were doing. Some stuff made common sense and some stuff I had no idea about.
• I became knowledgeable on what's healthy because I was clearly an expert on what wasn't; but it's amazing how little we know about what we do everyday.

While gaining all of this new information I would pray and listen to God daily. Finally one day, after probably a month in a half or so, I clearly heard him say, "It's time!" Therefore, I started researching gyms, visiting, asking questions, getting a feel for overall experience, taking advantage of coupons and freebies and comparing prices. I found the most inexpensive gym, walking distance from my house and a fun and relaxed environment. It beat out all the others: expensive, high tech, far away, pools, saunas, downtown, intense, not fun...you name it. I started shopping at the produce section more at the grocery store. I fiercely tried to avoid the middle section of the store and avoid being hungry when shopping. The hard work was paying off.

The struggle on the other hand, wasn't. I was motivated, educated, supported, and determined like never before. God would even help me through workouts, increasing my energy and pushing me through it all; however, I didn't have a balance between nutrition and exercise. I would work out and then eat a ton. Or I would eat healthy and then skip the work out. (Mostly the former though) I still struggle today. I know what I should do, but why don't I do it? I can't help but to quote an excerpt of Paul because it explains a lot.

I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do... What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord! Romans 7:15-25(NIV)

My process towards a healthy relationship with food has been a long time coming. I've lost and gained weight throughout this process, but mostly I've maintained my weight. I haven't given up or lost hope in my ultimate goal. The battle goes on and the old church folk at my hometown church would say, "I'm not who I should be, but I thank God I'm not who I used to be"!

Stay tuned for my next food post focusing on the body. ~Lemonade Curl

This young MAN makes me...

LAUGH! He makes me feel like a woman, he motivates me and he inspires me. Women, have you ever met your twin, in the opposite sex?! I think I met mine and its actually a good thing! 50 extra pounds ago, I met Darnell. So very outspoken, confident, and charming was he at the gym. His youth showing off as he did chin-ups like it was jump rope. Of course he liked me (lol), but little did I know, we would become great friends and he would be a blessing to my life, helping me go from this to this:

Life is so much grander to me when you can have both male and female friends because we are so different, but so very similar at the same time. As a troop to our nation I respect him on so many levels. It's no wonder I feel protected and secure around him. His eyes don't miss a beat. It's amazing how someone at such a young age could assume such major responsibility and commitment. I think men that exhibit these skills and discipline are commendable because sometimes it seems as if so many have forgotten its importance to not only women, but society.

My male friends like Darnell have taught me even more on how I should be treated and respected as a woman. I think too many of us young women are allowing unacceptable behavior in our lives from the opposite sex. It's so important to have positive great men in your life. When you do, you'll never accept anything less. That means, even if your father wasn't there to show you, you'll wait for someone who will. I believe there are men out there wanting to.

Although we are friends, Darnell won't let me purchase a single meal, except if I cook for him. He's always looking out for me and I for him. I believe when two people are geniune, respectable and caring, a great relationship is bound to happen whether they are the opposite sex or not.

One day I was in the gym and Darnell came up to me and said, "I want to help you with your workouts as a personal trainer." Of course I said, "For free?" lol Luckily, it was in his plan not to charge me. Relationships that just come easy are the best. The feeling I have most towards him is to give because his intentions have always been to give to me. I believe we both have set standards in our friendship that has caused it to excel further. There's no trust issues, no ill-intentions, or negativity. It's always laughter, debates, dancing, new experiences, tough workouts, prayer, and me trying to help him "get his life!" (Tamar Braxton's voice add here)!!! lol Men always need a woman to get their life together!! Now that's the truth.

#One | FOOD!!!!!! (Sigh)

Tonight I let Chicago's cold windy weather trick me into believing this Friday night was a "small-Giordiano's-pizza-and-hulu-TV-show-in-the-bed kind of night"; although, I had already dedicated it to the gym. With some support I was able to combine the two, eating almost an entire small pizza and hitting the gym hard. Well, you have to take your victories how you can get'em.

My relationship with food has been unhealthy for such a long time. Years! I come from a family that celebrated, cried and praised God with meals. Any emotion could inspire eating food for me. It took years to realize that I had a problem – a rather recent discovery. It started during my childhood, where I begin using it to cope with real adult problems I was facing. Food helped me avoid the chaos of my household and it comforted me in tough situations. Today I wished I had chosen another comforter, perhaps, the Holy Spirit.

The bible always talks about how powerful the tongue is. Yet, it wasn't until I was on a prayer weightless call that I realized, its not only powerful because of the things you chose to say, but because of the things you can taste. Our body receives overwhelming responses from tastebuds. It's so powerful and feels so good that you just want to keep eating. The bible says in Proverbs 18:21, "The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit." (NIV) I've been eating too much. Now I'm practicing how to use this powerful part of my body to speak and eat life rather than lead to an early death.  

So back to this small pizza...I have successful weeks, days and sometimes only hours of eating healthy. In the midst of the unsuccessful times, I keep trying. I haven't given up on mastering the tongue and a healthy relationship with food. Last year God told me it was time to change. With his guidance I'm down 25 lbs and down over 50 lbs from my heaviest weight, which was in college. This year I believe I will reach my goal of a completely healthy lifestyle. I have a vision and I know that I have to go through the process to get there. Cheers to a healthy relationship with FOOD! ~Lemonade Curl~

2009 Spring - Before

2010 Spring - Before

2010 Fall ~ Before

2013 Spring - After

2013 Spring - After

2013 Fall - After

not just a MAN | not just a WOMAN

I remember the first time I heard someone refer to God as a God of "relationships". I had never heard of him described this way growing up. When I learned this and started to meditate on this, I realized how it explained everything about me.

There are so many different types of relationships. As people made in God's image, we absolutely love, need, and desire relationships. Relationships between “men vs. men” aren't the only type of relationships that we like and need. Well of course there's the relationship with God, but also with animals, food, money, knowledge, technology, music, art, language...everything. Relationship is defined by Google as, (1) the way in which two or more concepts, objects, or people are connected, or the state of being connected; (2) the way in which two or more people or organizations regard and behave toward each other.

I've been talking a lot about relationships with great people in my life; however, I want to share more about all of my relationships—the good, bad, healthy and unhealthy. There are some key relationships that I've been working on. Some in particular God has set at the forefront of my life for me to address and make better.

I'm excited about writing to you about these. It's not the easiest thing to do because it's not easy to put yourself out there for everyone to see. Well here goes...

~Lemonade Curl~

Healthy relationships start with YOU

You ever get on your own nerves? I have. You ever think you’re the best thing this world has seen since Adam and Eve? I haven't "always". (: p) I LOVE me; regardless of what I do or have done, I've truly learned to love me and accept me for who I am.

My humble beginning starts traditionally with my mother and father. I luckily made it out of a generation where I was taught and encouraged to be a strong, beautiful, and of course a respectable black woman. My mom would speak of my natural beauty often and my dad would challenge me just as frequently. My self-esteem was groomed from their love, but society surely made me question a number of things I was raised believing; however, there's something magical about a strong foundation. The bible says:

“They are like a man building a house, who dug down deep and laid the foundation on rock. When a flood came, the torrent struck that house but could not shake it, because it was well built.” – Luke 6:48 (NIV)

Even though my identity felt sifted by societal ideas while I transitioned into womanhood, I never lost my foundation, teaching, experiences and upbringing. I never degraded my past and I believe that has kept me with a healthy outlook on life.  

REDEMPTION: The most beautiful word to the vocabulary of the underdog. My rearing wasn't peaches and cream; please don't be fool. (A blog post wouldn't be enough to tell you the half of it.) Redemption is a great reason why life is worth living. If you’re blessed with the opportunity to live you’re life to the point where you can take over and chose your own future, SHOUT right there, get your "happy feet" going. Life is great for those who seize the opportunity to create something meaningful of it, regardless of your past. Hopefully, you'd seize something awesome for your future!

So then, how do you live and lead a healthy life? You start by creating a healthy you. Be good to you. Love you. Be patient with you. Have hope for you. When you do this for you, then you can do this for others. When you’re realistic about your ways, your thoughts and actions, you can accept responsibility. When you’re responsible, you make the decisions. You chose to have love, to have peace, to have joy in your life and no one can change you or your outlook on life, relationships or with anything. Now, I would be lying if I said this was easy and I would be a fool if I didn't say God is the reason why this life is even possible to obtain.

A healthy relationship with you establishes healthy relationships with others. Most of the time, what you put out there is what you’ll get in return. A healthy you accepts your past and looks optimistically towards your future. In 2013, I said goodbye to anything that would make me unhealthy. In 2014, I'm saying, I'm starting with me.

All love ya'll. Glory to the King. ~Lemonade Curl~