...Diets
...Not eating
...Exercising
...Whatever someone said I should try
...I even contemplated throwing up after meals like
I saw skinny people or models doing on T.V.
THANK GOD, I NEVER DID THAT. The list runs on and
on like Erykah Badu sang in the 90's. My relationship with food was so
unhealthy, I felt helpless. I created an equation that said, I love myself + I
can't help myself = I have to just live with myself.
Yet, the one thing I didn't try – no one except for
the Holy Spirit told me to do this – was my number two step on my road to
weight loss. I RESEARCHED! Now that I've explained to you my past relationship
with food #One | FOOD!!!!!! (Sigh), let me explain to
you how things started to change.
God totally busted my, "I'll just love myself
and live with myself the way am equation". That's probably because it
didn't add up. We all make stuff up to make us happy, be honest! Love and
acceptance do work together, but not when it's untrue. Because I didn't have
the strength and courage to change me, God stepped in and made “changing
me” what I thought about day and night until I finally gave in.
- Everyday I would ask myself questions I didn't know about food and exercise.
- Then, I would look it up on the Internet. I looked up how many calories are in a pound; how should a beginner approach the gym; what healthy foods make you feel full and give you energy and why?
- Next, I would look on social media and YouTube to see what other people were doing. Some stuff made common sense and some stuff I had no idea about.
- I became knowledgeable on what's healthy because I was clearly an expert on what wasn't; but it's amazing how little we know about what we do everyday.
While gaining all of this new information I would
pray and listen to God daily. Finally one day, after probably a month in a half
or so, I clearly heard him say, "It's time!" Therefore, I started
researching gyms, visiting, asking questions, getting a feel for overall
experience, taking advantage of coupons and freebies and comparing prices. I
found the most inexpensive gym, walking distance from my house and a fun and
relaxed environment. It beat out all the others: expensive, high tech, far
away, pools, saunas, downtown, intense, not fun...you name it. I started
shopping at the produce section more at the grocery store. I fiercely tried to
avoid the middle section of the store and avoid being hungry when
shopping. The hard work was paying off.
The struggle on the other hand, wasn't. I was
motivated, educated, supported, and determined like never before. God would
even help me through workouts, increasing my energy and pushing me through it
all; however, I didn't have a balance between nutrition and exercise. I would
work out and then eat a ton. Or I would eat healthy and then skip the work out.
(Mostly the former though) I still struggle today. I know what I should do, but
why don't I do it? I can't help but to quote an excerpt of Paul because it
explains a lot.
I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do... What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord! Romans 7:15-25(NIV)
My process towards a healthy relationship with food
has been a long time coming. I've lost and gained weight throughout this
process, but mostly I've maintained my weight. I haven't given up or lost hope
in my ultimate goal. The battle goes on and the old church folk at my hometown
church would say, "I'm not who I should be, but I thank God I'm not who I
used to be"!
Stay tuned for my next food post focusing on the body. ~Lemonade Curl
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